Amanda & Dave are Adopting!!!!

After many agonizing months we are overjoyed to share the news that we have decided to expand our family through adoption.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m able to smile again and mean it. This is a great feeling.

We know this is not going to be an easy journey but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The big question now, is how long is the tunnel?

Dave and I are ecstatic about our next step in this journey but we need your help.  The adoption process is incredibly expensive ($20,000+).  Please visit out fundraising page if you’d like to help us build our family.


Don’t Ignore Infertility

April 22-28, 2012 is National Infertility Awareness Week

Did you know:

  • Infertility is a disease that affects 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age.
  • Often there are no signs or symptoms associated with an infertility problem.
  • Women and Men fighting the disease of infertility experience many hidden losses including:
  1. Loss of the pregnancy and the birth experience;
  2. Loss of a genetic legacy and loss of future contributing citizens to the next generation;
  3. Loss of the parenting experience;
  4. Loss of a grandparent relationship;
  5. Low feelings of self-worth;
  6. Loss of stability in family and personal relationships;
  7. Loss of work productivity; and
  8. Loss of a sense of spirituality and sense of hope for the future.
  • There are currently only 15 states that require insurance coverage for infertility treatment, and the laws vary widely.
  • There are many ways to build a family:
  1. Adoption
  2. Donor Options
  3. Fertility Medicines
  4. Intrauterine insemination (IUI)
  5. In Vitro Fertilization (IVF)/Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART)
  6. Surrogacy
  7. Living Childfree  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.) (About NIAW)

Don’t Ignore…

Many people say that there’s no price too big to stop you from having children. Unfortunately there is a price tag when you are infertile and a very large one to boot. Most insurance plans do not cover infertility treatments, which means some enormous bills for these couples.

Dave and I were told that we have less then a 3% chance of naturally conceiving so we are now considering 2 options to grow our family. Option 1 is in vetro with an egg donor and option 2 is adoption.

Price tag:
Option 1 – roughly $30,000
Option 2 – $20,000 +

So for those that think this I say to you – Please make your check payable to me and I’ll take care of the rest.  But remember there is no guarantee that it will work.

I hope someday this will not be the case and every couple will be able to have children and not experience the stress, loss and grief that I have experienced. Not only do I have to come to terms with the fact that I may never have my own biological child but I have to stress over how we are going to pay for it. This truly SUCKS!

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

How do I know I’m making the right decision?  Do we use an egg donor or adopt………… HELP! This is the biggest decision I will ever make and both have pros and cons.

My sister Shae has agreed to have her eggs tested to see if she will be a good donor candidate.  This is the greatest gift anyone could ever give and I absolutely love that she is willing to do this for us.    This is such a selfless gesture from Shae but I feel like I am being selfish.  I do not know what to do!!!!!

Walk in My Shoes by Amy Hurd

I really liked this and wanted to share it.
Walk in My Shoes – Amy Hurd

Relax, relax, don’t obsess, that’s all they ever say.
Many days I wish the thoughts of baby would just go away.
Once you start trying to conceive and the wheels begin to roll,
It is very difficult to move on with life and to keep complete control.

Every month a rollercoaster of emotions and despair,
I just wish that the problems would vanish in thin air.
The thoughts I have, the feelings too, won’t they ease up some?
Will the day I feel a baby kick and the joy it will bring ever come?

Those who try to help me just say that I obsess.
Don’t they know that until I see two lines I’ll be just a mess?
They make me feel abnormal, like I’m spinning out of control.
Everyone in my shoes knows how this takes its toll.

I cannot continue to let everyone act as if I am insane.
The thoughts I have, the way I feel, I have a right to complain.
Why does my body fail me, with its cruel and relentless ridicule?
My patience is wearing thin and leaves me feeling like a fool.

I wish for them not to judge, I do not want to feel this way.
I have the ache in my arms and heart each and every day.
Not having a baby is not an option; to me it’s like not having an arm.
Do they not understand that what they say does no good but harm?

I would have a baby now if my course in life I could choose.
Let them walk just one day in an infertile woman’s shoes.
Let them have the feelings that I live with and endure.
They would surely understand the plight that I can’t ignore.

Please Lord let them all understand that this is all I pray.
For every ache and pain a mother goes through every day.
I will take the sickness and all that comes with birth.
The end result would well be worth it and my heart would be filled with mirth.

So I end this with the same prayer that I have always in my heart.
I want the longing for a child to end and motherhood to start.
Please hear my prayer, oh Lord, today so my life can begin again.
Bless me with a little child that you send straight from Your Kingdom, Heaven

Children ask the darnedest things

So this weekend my 5 year old niece Ava asked me a question that completely threw me for a loop.  She sweetly & innocently asked me “Aunty Amanda, you and Uncle Dave are married, why don’t you have any babies?”

How do I answer this?……..

I have no idea.  So I looked her in the eyes and told her that Aunty Amanda has something wrong with her and the Dr’s have to help her have a baby.  I don’t know that this was the right way to answer her question but it’s all I could think of at the time.  Any suggestions on how to talk to children about infertility? I know that she will ask again or another of my nieces and nephews will ask.

I am not Alone!!!!!

When I was told that I was infertile my world came crashing around me. Even though there were several women & men sitting in the waiting room at the Drs office with us, I felt like I must be the only person in the world that felt like this.  Through lots of research I have found that this is not true.  I am not alone, in fact 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age are affected.  Although each person’s diagnosis is different I’ve found that we all go through the grieving process. puts it best:
“Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy’s nose and daddy’s eyes. But, each month, there   is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal. “

I have recently reached out to a support group and have met several women & men that are also going through the grief.  We talk about our diagnosis, what the next step is, tips on how to deal with the emotions and much more.  Not only do we support each other at the monthly meetings but anytime we need to talk to someone that knows what we are feeling.  Don’t get me wrong my family & friends are great and are very supportive but sometimes you just need to talk to someone that knows what you are feeling when you can’t explain the feelings.

Here are some great videos about struggles with infertility.

The Truth About Trying – Redbook Magazine